Thursday, July 30, 2015

Pause.


The past few days I've had a lump in my throat and a knot in my stomach. Days ahead are full of excitement, but there are also things to be anxious and nervous about. We start Kindergarten on Tuesday. KINDERGARTEN. On TUESDAY. {First of all, August 4th is too early to start school. It's absurd.} I just want to push pause and make it last for a few more days. {Weeks? Months? Yes.}


I have dreaded sending James off to kindergarten since I realized he would go. Every single year that he's been alive when school has started back I've been so thankful that he was still in preschool. His safe little preschool bubble. No mean kids, three hours at school, loving teachers, no fears. And for the past year I've been WITH him at preschool, at least part time. This year changes all of that and while I'm pumped for HIM, I'm so sad for me. 


He's been very, very anxious about kindergarten all summer. He'll hear something that sounds fun and he's excited, but he keeps reminding me that I told him he had to try it for a week. "Just one week, Mama?" Oh, sweet angel. One week + 175 days. I took him to the library on Tuesday and checked out every title I could find that had the words "kindergarten" or "back to school" in it to ease his mind. Some of the books were cute and funny and most of them had children who were nervous about starting. The one that got me the most is one called My First Day of School by Nancy Skarmeas.

"After breakfast, Daniel, his mother, and the baby walked to the end of the driveway to wait for the bus....Daniel felt a little bit like crying, but he didn't. He gave his mother a hug and a kiss. 'I love you,' she whispered. 'Have fun!' Daniel carried his backpack to a seat in the front, right next to Nicholas, the boy from the grocery store. 'I'm going to kindergarten,' Daniel said quietly. 'Me too,' said Nicholas. Daniel looked out the window and waved goodbye to Mom until he couldn't see her anymore.'"

Sob.


Oh, my sweet boy,

I tried to keep you from growing older and it just hasn't worked. I have tried to keep you my baby and you aren't anymore. You are a big, handsome kindergarten boy and you are just as proud as you can be, but also a little nervous. I have no doubt that you are going to ROCK the kindergarten thing. You are so, so bright and inquisitive. Your head soaks up facts like I cannot believe. You love animals and shows about animals and seeing animals and reading about animals. You love books and I guarantee you'll be reading books all by yourself well before Christmas. You are so much like me that we drive each other crazy, but we get each other. You have discovered Legos recently and you spend hours building them and playing with them. You have a lot of really great friends, but you don't have a best friend yet. You keep your options open as far as friends go and you play a little bit with everyone. I almost never hear you say that you didn't enjoy playing with someone. You do, however, enjoy being the BOSS when you're playing and sometimes your friends don't enjoy that. ;) Will and I are going to miss you so much during the day. I promise that even though life will go on without you while you're in school {which is your BIGGEST concern of all}, we will still do all kinds of awesome things with you when you are home with us. And even some not-so-awesome things like errand running. You are going to just thrive in kindergarten. I cannot wait to watch you!

Love,
Mama.

6 comments:

Simply LKJ said...

So sweet! When I sent my oldest for the first time, I was not prepared for how hard it would be on her little sister...just FYI. She'd lost her playmate. I will be right there with you as I send my BABY off to grad school. The thought that she is just 5 semesters away from the "adult/working world" is unbelievable. This was our last summer with her home, as she will go straight through.

Anna Catherine said...

Boo hoo! These days I could cry over almost anything but this is definitely bitter sweet! I'm so proud of this sweet boy and he reminds me so much of Poppy!

Meggie said...

I feel your pain. Still! Even going into 1st grade this year is bittersweet! It isn't easy at first but once everyone adjusts you'll all settle in and be just fine. Til it's time for him to go to first grade. They just grow up so fast!!

Sally said...

Oh my, it doesn't even seem like you've been married that long! James is such a cutie he'll have his teacher wrapped around his finger in no time. As for you, just go ahead and cry, most Mama's do!

Jen said...

I got a little teary-eyed reading this! He is so lucky to have such a sweet mama. He'll do great!

Emily Gentry said...

TEARS! We'll do this next year. I'm already dreading it, although I know he'll do great! I hope today went very well!