I'll admit to you that the weeks leading up to now have been hard for me. It's been one whole year. In some ways it seems like an eternity, but mostly it feels like it's flown by. One whole year. Life hasn't stopped. The world has not stood still. We've moved on. We've lived. We've done a whole lot.
I am not someone who gets overly sad. I have a tendency to try to make others around me not sad. I do not like touchy-feely or sappy and I am awkward when others are sad. I'm the one cracking jokes in inappropriate situations. I just don't do sad.
But I've been sad over the past few weeks.
Thanksgiving and Christmas passed and I could sort of pretend it wasn't real. He wasn't really gone. He was just away. Out of town. His birthday came and we celebrated it without him because that's what we felt like we needed to do. Even that was ok. Father's Day was tough. He wasn't my real dad, but he was my real parent. And he had been for almost 21 years. Almost 2/3 of my life. Father's Day made me sad. August has been even more sad. In a lot of ways, I think it's because so many things feel the same right now. We're getting ready to go back to school, we're taking end-of-the-summer beach trips. And Emory, a place I would love to never see again in my whole life, has been ALL OVER the news. I can still remember exactly where we parked, how it felt, the way it smelled, what I wore, things we ate.
I think he'd be proud of us one year later. He's actually given us a gift recently, one that I'll tell you all about very soon. Last summer things worked out for us (a new job, a move, being where we needed to be) in a very God-ordained way. I really believe that with every bit of me. Suddenly, a few things are happening in very God-ordained ways again. And they aren't BIG things you'd notice, but the little things. Things just have a way of working out.
So one year later is upon us. And it's sad, but it's okay. We remember him and talk about him all the time. ALL the time. Sadness is part of the healing, I think. We sure do miss him.