Friday, February 12, 2010


*There are LOTS of new posts below! New pictures of James!*
Earlier this week I was emailing with a friend about a blog post that she'd written about friends trying to push her into dating. There's a lot more to it, but the bottom line was she was irritated that these friends cared so much that she's single when she really doesn't! As someone who firmly believes in "seasons" in our lives, I'm behind her 100%. She's a friend that completely embodies confidence to me. (Sidenote, she hasn't always completely embodied confidence - I've known her since 10th grade - but she does now to me. I admire the way that she handles her life and especially admire her for the way she enjoys her life. That's not to say it's always a joy, I'm sure it's not! Whose is, right?)
I emailed her and told her that I loved her for her confidence and shared several quotes from Beth Moore's newest book, So Long Insecurity, You've Been A Bad Friend to Us. (I love Beth Moore! I'm on Chapter 2 of this book and it's already one I know was meant for me!!!)
I thought I'd share the same thoughts here. Before I do, please know that I am a person who struggles with insecurity. This friend, who knew me so well in high school, knows what a ridiculous worrier I was (and still am, just about other things...). If I'd had this book in high school I could've saved myself a lot of time. That being said, the first chapter is a lot about men. I'm not man-bashing here, so I hope it doesn't come across that way. I think that women spend a lot more time being insecure about themselves in front of other women, but for the conversation the friend and I were having, these rang true.
* Men are not our problem; it's what we are trying to get from them that messes us up.
* Nothing is more baffling than our attempt to derive our womanhood from our men. We use guys like mirrors to see if we're valuable. Beautiful. Desirable. Worthy of notice. Viable.
* We're attempting to get our security from a gender that doesn't really have much to spare....Their insecurities take different shapes, but make no mistake: they've got them.
* Men want us to get a grip anyway. They don't like the pressure of being in charge of our sense of value.
* Are we honestly going to insist on drawing our security from people who are oblivious to the inordinate amount of weight we give to their estimation of us?
The last statement is perfect in my mind, and a summarization of what I didn't know before marriage. I have learned, and learned the hard way, that what I notice about myself, what I think that Eddie should notice, is almost never what he notices. Do my earrings look okay with my outfit? You're wearing earrings? I hate the way this shirt looks on me. Huh? Looks how? We see ourselves with very different eyes than others see us. That doesn't mean I don't stand in front of the mirror and scrutinize every square inch of my body...because I certainly do! But I'm learning...slowly...that no one else is scrutinizing all of those details so I'm sort of wasting my time!
I think this book is going to be fantastic for me! I'm definitely different than I was 5 or 10 years ago, but those insecurities are still there. I'll continue to post my thoughts on this book because there are bound to be a lot!
If you're reading this book, would you let me know? I'd love to hear what other women are getting out of it! If you're not reading this book, you should be.

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